Happy New Year!
Still emotionally hungover from last year? I feel you; yet as 2009 begins, I am at a loss for deep thoughts for you. It’s the recession, doll, and even the Dali Lama (I’ll bet!) is secretly thinking, “This economy is bumming me out!” And so, dear ones, although I am reading Orwell, along with the Tibetan Book of the Dead, it is actually an episode from my sitcom-filled ‘70s childhood that I share with you today, for its wisdom and concrete help.
Quick Preview First …
As I connected with friends and family over the holidays I was struck by two realizations:
1. We are all feeling a little exhausted from what was a very trying 2008; the good news is: there is a feeling of compassion in the air. Look around. Everyone is suffering or worrying in some way, so at least we can meet each other’s eyes (or ck each other’s updates!) and know we are not alone.
2. Wouldn’t it be lovely if we could walk in each other’s boots for awhile?
If I could give a depressed friend my sense of initiative and optimism I would. Accessing those qualities is easy for me. What I have trouble with is containing my emotions. Oh how I’d love it if a cool-headed pal could give me some Obama-esque evenness just when I’m about to panic. (New York Jews, I know you relate to the hysteria of which I speak). We don’t choose our natures, and tolerating our own emotional challenges (and each other’s) is a daily test of compassion.
Okay, all that feeling is so 2008. Let’s get practical. My vice is dark chocolate (70 –85 % cocoa content). I have friends whose vices include online shopping, procrastinating, and good wine. (And good whine too, now that I think of it).
While ruminating on my own circle of peeps, a microchosm of humanity … I thought of an episode from “Alice” – the late ‘70s sitcom about the single mom waitress, based on the 1974 Scorsese movie, “Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore.” The TV show, of course, was best known for sassy waitress Flo’s frequent retort, “Kiss my grits.” The episode I remembered was called “Block those Kicks” and focused on (Diner Proprietor) Mel’s efforts to kick his gambling habit. The girls (waitresses Alice, Flo and ditzy Vera) decide to help the big lug by giving up their vices (chocolate, coffee and tobacco, respectively) in a show of support … for 48 hours. Need I tell you that hijinks ensue?
My book, Bang the Keys: Four Steps to a Lifelong Writing Practice, comes out with Penguin this summer. But who can wait that long?? In the meantime:
FIRST WRITING (AND LIFE!) EXERCISE FOR 2009:
If you’re a writer, this should be easy and fun (oh, wait, I forgot you are a writer and are tortured!!):
1. Take a handful of your characters and explore their vices. My recommendation is to write a scene in which your gambler, womanizer, self-mutilator, etc. actually is immersed in his vice, so we can see it, feel it, experience it with him. Try 500 words to start. But if it’s too hard to get there right away, try just free-writing (5 minutes, without stopping, completely uncensored) about this character and his vice, in a free-associative way. Do this for a 2nd character, then a 3rd then a 4th.
2. Next: switch your characters’ vices. Imagine your rigid, uptight planner now suffers from extreme naivete, or cocaine addiction, or foot-in-mouth syndrome. Try the above exercise with this new vice. Then give your 2nd character a different vice, and your 3rd, and your 4th. Put them in a room together; see what happens.
If you are just starting out and don’t know where to begin, begin with a character’s compulsion and see where it takes you. If you are far along in your writing, but are experiencing the “So-what blues” then give your characters a vice that you can relate to or that you have observed in a friend, or one you can vividly imagine.
Since writing and real life overlap a great deal in my world, let me add this: as an exercise in empathy and generosity, offer up some support to a friend struggling with a particular monkey-on-the-back, and ask for support with yours. And if you have to start gambling (like a buddy) in order to kick your own caffeine habit (or vice versa) …so be it! And I swear to you, I will discover the Dali Lama’s vice … if it takes me all of 2009! And now …
Is one of your New Year’s resolutions for 2009 to get some writing done? Then read on, and don’t weep …
WRITING WORKSHOPS FOR THE NEW YEAR:
Limited space, SIGN UP NOW.
Create A Writing Practice That Will Last A Lifetime.
My Manhattan "BANG THE KEYS" writing workshop runs Tues nights
Jan 20, 27, Feb 3, 10, 17 & 24
6:30 to 8:30 on W. 43rd St near 8th Ave. $250
I’ll also be doing a Wed night wkshp in Brooklyn:
Jan 21, 28, Feb. 4, 11, 18, and 25 from 6-8pm. $250
Payment plans possible for this crap-pay economy.
Write to JillDearman@gmail.com / or leave msg at 212.841.0177 now to reserve your spot.
To get a sense of how I work check out my Writer Magazine article, "Which Type of Writer are YOU?" www.jilldearman.com/JillWriterMagNov07.pdf
And see my website for client endorsements: www.jilldearman.com/services.html
The Workshop:
As a bon vivant New Yorker do you find it hard to say no to cocktails at five and yes to sitting down to write a thousand words? This workshop is just as lively and intoxicating as a drunken brouhaha but without the maudlin regrets.
In this workshop you will:
•Set a writing goal (with deadline!) and meet it.
•Structure your time so that you actually keep your fabulous NY life (well most of it) AND get some writing done.
•Develop tools that will help you to independently continue your writing practice.
• Develop methods for writing regularly and productively rather than just when the muse strikes.
• Connect with supportive and dedicated fellow writers
Say yes to your writing and no to distractions and defeatist thinking…or shut up already!
Please feel free to pass along to any scribes in your circle of friends, colleagues and co-conspirators. (FYI, as a private writing coach I see a limited number of folks in Brooklyn and Manhattan and have many private phone clients outside of NYC. Write to me and we can figure out a strategy for you to kick your blocks in ’09. Pls. Forward this note, or link to my blog to your writerly pals): www.jilldearman.blogspot.com
I can be reached for all questions at jilldearman@gmail.com
My website is www.bangthekeys.com
And now, what you’ve been waiting for:
THERE’S A NEW GIRL IN TOWN AND SHE’S…LOOKING GOOD!
A taste of the “Alice” episode in question:
Flo: Well, all right, I'll go along, Mel. I'm willing to give up the thing that means most to me.
Mel: That's bad news for half of the guys in Phoenix.
Flo: I was talkin' about coffee!
“Alice” sitcom theme song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=423L76rzui8
and by the way. Anyone who knows George Russell … chiropractor, and fellow bon vivant, it’s hard not to think of him when watching that vid.
Happy New Year!
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